Pigeon GYN

No, I have not begun performing aviary medicine. Pigeon english is the language that they speak here. You'd never know there was any english in it, except for when they really slow it down for you. Even then, many of the words aren't in any dictionary. So, gynecology can be a bit interesting. Here are some of the daily phrases we say. Some are only my version of pigeon, but the patients understand what I am asking or saying, so it works. Some are what my nurse translate when I ask the question.

To the one who comes for infertility, but is 46 years old:

"Yo ovary done grow old"

To the couple after I've explained the most fertile time of the month to concieve, who are now finished consulting: 

"Now yu and yo man go make pikin"

The explanation of a hysterectomy (pikin=child/children):

"We gon move yo house fo pikin"

Do you have abnormal vaginal discharge?:

"Yu done got bad water from de woman skin"

Have you been to the witch doctor/traditional healer?:

"Yo done drink country mercy?"

Have you had a period/menses?:

"Ya done see ya time fine? It de come fine?"

Have all of your prior deliveries been vaginal, or any c-sections (pikin=child/children)?:

"All yo pikin dun come tru de woman skin?"

Have you ever had a miscarriage?

"Some belly be dun spoiled?"

Have you ever had a D&C?:

"De be done wash yo belly?"

We need to do a semen analysis (pickin=child/children): 

"We be check yo man pikin water"

The ovary:

"Dat place where de egg done come from"

The cervix: 

"Dat door fo house for pikin"

You have male factor infertility, the semen analysis is abnormal:

"If dem sperms no swim, ya no get pikin"

How many wives does your husband have? (husband=master/owner - hey, I didn't come up with it):

Un a de how many fo yo masseh?

Is the relationship monogomous?:

Yo masseh got noder woman fo outside?